Three Years

SRH

Where does time go? Some days I feel at a standstill and the others… I feel I’m honoring you by moving forward! “Get busy living” you loved to say, well I’m all in on that!!  Sometimes maybe too much LOL!

You continue to and always will live with us in our hearts and minds… You instilled so many life lessons that we will never forget!

In the years since you passed we have had bad days and we have had good days. Many times we hide those bad days and try to learn from them; they give us strength as we realize there will be better days and we WILL have good days again as we reflect on the many memories.

Our Ohana has seen some changes since you left us… you have another beautiful granddaughter who arrived tiny but oh.so.mighty!!! I’m certain that this little one was watched over by many of our angel family. Since I took a leap of faith and met a man, a fellow widower, we continue to enjoy attending events, travelling and laughing together.  He has taken me under his wing to love and support. I would have never thought I’d love or be happy again but I know now that grief and joy can in fact co-exist. It’s all part of the duality of grief; stillness and movement… Your oldest granddaughter is growing so quickly; smart as a whip!  She recently informed a stranger about your accident… it’s her reality too! and asked me some very pointed questions about you, me and my ‘boyfriend’.  I’m glad that we can openly discuss our new normal, she is a very brave little girl!

Noone can ever take your place, we talk of you often, say your name and will continue with the little ones so that they know and remember you!

I’m still at our house… I try so very hard to keep things as you had set up!  That front yard tho’!!!  LOL… I know it was meant to be low maintenance but dang… 🙂  It means a lot to me to keep it the way you had envisioned.  I love sitting in the backyard admiring the view and recalling all the time you spent making it what it is today.

We will continue to live life to the fullest and Get Busy Living all in moderation…

Much love to you in Heaven Beano…

 

Two Years

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As we mark the second year since Steve gained his angel wings I want to get these thoughts I’ve been gathering out to share. I’ve been jotting them down for some time and pardon me if they seem random, I’ll try to assemble them in order. It will also give you a look into my mind as I try to maneuver through this new world of mine.

Suffering a devastating loss, and for me a sudden loss was the.most difficult event of my life. I not only lost ‘my person’, I lost my support system. I lost the one person that I trusted most in life, I lost all of my hopes, my dreams and all of our future plans – in the blink of an eye at 9:47pm on July 21, 2014. BOOM – finished, done, the.end!!! I also lost my identity; I was a happily married woman of 37 years, the co-leader of our amazing family and now a widow, the sole head of my broken family.

The one thing I knew for certain was that I HAD to heal myself so I could help my family. I felt a strong sense of responsibility to lead others through this life change. I wanted to be an example of a statement that Steve used, ‘life is for the living’. It was extremely clear to me now more than ever that we are not promised tomorrow-

I am a fixer by nature, and I needed to fix this. It took me a while to realize that unfortunately I can’t fix everything… I can’t fix the pain of my kids never seeing or talking with their Dad again. I can’t fix the empty chair at the table. I can’t fix the hole in our family unit. What I could fix is ME, to enable me to be present for them when they need me, to listen empathetically and to help them and others through this loss.

I saw a therapist in an effort to heal, to have my feelings validated and to gain guidance. There is no quick cure, there is no timeframe for grief… It is as individual as your fingerprint!! I continue to work on getting myself stronger and provide support for others as they need.

I still hurt, I still get sad, I have bad days – these bad days can be triggered by many things, sometimes something very simple. However, I can see that when these days do occur (I call them dark times) I spend less time there before rebounding back to life. I continue to learn more about myself and how to manage without my husband. Some things I cannot do, but whenever I can I am independent and do projects on my own. I am constantly aware of my own strength – the fact that I continue to rise each day and contribute to life speaks of that!!

I still miss and love ‘my person’… Steve was my first love, my best friend, and my true love. When you lose that person in your life, you don’t get over it, you move forward… You have too! and by moving forward I mean you have to take that journey that includes finding yourself again. I made the choice to live life, to move forward – this choice has not been easy or always accepted, but I wanted to be happy again.

I branched out and tried new activities, made new friends and spent time with old friends. I met a wonderful man that shares the understanding of having your true love pass away. This new relationship does not replace or diminish the love I had for Steve! We are capable of loving what was and loving what is… one does not cancel out the other. Love expands the heart, it’s okay to honor the past and embrace the future.

I have high hopes for my future, I’m not going to let being a widow define me but it is what I am. I am also an example of life giving you lemons, and I ‘m making lemonade!!!

In closing, a couple of favorite phrases..,

* Live the life you have left
* Dance in the rain, dance like no one is watching!!!
* One life, don’t blow it

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Freekeh product review and GIVEAWAY

As part of my association with the Fit Approach/Sweat Pink community and my ambassadorship I was given the opportunity to review Freekeh and host a Freekeh Foods giveaway (sorry, open to US residents only)! 

What is Freekeh you are likely asking… Rosemary Sage

Freekeh is a process which means “to rub” in Arabic. Freekeh was created by accident nearly 2,000 years ago when a Middle Eastern village was attacked and their crop of young green wheat was set ablaze. Most folks would sulk over their misfortune, but the crafty villagers rubbed off the chaff, cooked it up and “Eureka!” Freekeh was created.  *NOT GLUTEN FREE*

Freekeh has up to three times the fiber and protein found in brown rice, and fewer calories than quinoa and white rice. Freekeh is a great choice to use in recipes you already enjoy, from salads, to soups, to main dishes—the cook times are comparable to brown rice, so it’s easy to choose Freekeh!

Each package states it makes 4 servings, which is a lot!!  I only prepared half of the package (Rosemary Sage) and have been enjoying it in salads, in my breakfast egg whites and even mixed some in with my steamed zucchini!!  Freekeh was super simple to cook on the stove and was ready in 20 minutes.  I’ve kept the prepared Freekeh in the fridge for four days and it still looks and tatstes great.

For me, I prefer Freekeh over quinoa!  I prefer the taste and texture of Freekeh and it doesn’t hide in my teeth like quinoa does 🙂

Now comes the fun part…  The GIVEWAY!!  Be sure to enter below – You have until August 20th to enter

a Rafflecopter giveaway