The picture above was from your last trip to the Eagle Cap Wilderness area. I know that you were in such a happy place and enjoyed camping out like a good scout, eating freeze dried food and scoping out nature at its finest.
This time of year still remains a difficult time for me…
I still reflect on certain events that led up to my final days with you. I haven’t decided if the ‘memories’ that show up in my social media accounts are a good or bad thing, but in all honesty, I do enjoy them. I had one that was a video of you with Harlow a few days before the accident and to hear your voice was awesome! I can say that those last few months were incredible and I will never forget them!! Our final family trip to Maui and my setting up a local photographer to take family pictures at sunset on the beach, seeing you and our family at the finish line of the Rock n’ Roll Portland ½ marathon, waiting until I met up with you at the finish of the Rock n’ Roll Seattle marathon to verify that I had PR’d and banging the gong once we knew it was confirmed, driving the Jeep to the Coop to see the Blue Moon and climbing up on the bales of hay to get the perfect pictures, our last dinner together and our last phone conversation… Instilled in my brain forever!!
As in each day/week/month/year I have my times of feeling sad, mad, and hurt! I have learned however that these times are okay, and I allow myself to have them. I feel it is my right to have these feelings since for whatever reason (yes, I STILL haven’t figured out why!) all of our hopes and dreams were ripped away in the blink of an eye.
My new life with the man that came after has been a blessing and continues to be so. Being a widower himself we share the same intent to honor the loves of our lives that were taken from us far too soon. We say your names and remember your faces!! We recognize your birthdays, our anniversaries and your angelversaries. You will NEVER be forgotten… We continue to live a full life in your honor.
I suffered a huge setback at the house due to a toilet tank malfunction… I was not at home but camping, therefore it went unnoticed for a week. The laminate work that you placed in the guest bathroom was destroyed. It broke my heart, but in the back of my mind I smiled as you were never happy with the results LOL!!! The house really took a beating with 75% of the flooring needing to be replaced. I could be dramatic and say that it looks like a war zone, but it’s not ‘that bad’ as I’ve been told. For me… It’s BAD! My whole past is just in disarray and every time I am there I feel less and less connected to ‘my home’. With the needed remodeling I feel it more and more. The house will always have a special place in my heart as it holds so many memories that will never go away or be replaced.
A major event occurred this year… the coop ranch sold! Your happy place, your safe place, your haven. You knew it was coming and I’m certain that you guided all involved to make the best decisions. I’m SO glad that we have all of the pictures and videos of our and our family trips there, in addition to the many hunting trips that you enjoyed there.
I made another difficult decision, to sell your Jeep! You had so many plans for ‘Johnnie5’… It broke my heart but I just couldn’t put it to the good use that you intended and why not allow someone else to have that pleasure? Good news is… it remains in the family and will certainly provide many years of enjoyment.
I’m sure you know my Grandma and your Uncle Buzz passed this past year. Hopefully you have all reconnected and are enjoying each other’s company on your clouds…
Your granddaughters are simply amazing! Harlow continues to talk about you, and is approaching First Grade!! Oh my how you would be so proud of this little one… She is loving being able to ride in the ‘beep’. Our little Carlin Jewel is growing so fast! She continues to show that Horning determination in any challenges that are thrown her way. I’m looking forward to the time that she will be able to understand our sharing of pictures and stories of her Poppa Steve!!
In closing, I wanted to share a video that was near and dear to us very close to you leaving this earth. I will continue to rise and laugh & be stronger for all that has/is thrown at me, hoping to make you proud!
Much love – Lolly