
Each year that passes I continue to wonder what the hell happened!! We had a great life and had so many plans for the future… I’m told that GOD has his plans, and we are to stand by and see what happens. I worry about questioning these plans and the actual grand plan as neither of us was raised under a set religion but always felt there was a higher being.
This past year has been interesting as the World returns to some normalcy following the COVID-19 lockdowns, etc. We have begun to travel some again; I take you with us and spread your ashes wherever I travel. Since last year you have been to Lake Havasu, AZ, Tucson, AZ, the Santa Cruz Coast and the Mendocino Coast.
This past year included major changes for our children; Erin is now divorced and Tommy is now a Firefighter! Erin’s life change has been difficult but will be a blessing for her and for Harlow. Tommy’s life change was a huge decision, but both changes will be a great choice for their families moving forward.
The grandchildren continue to grow and thrive; as of today Harlow is a 5th grader!! She continues to dance & is on dance team, loves book club, legos, geography, and roller coasters. Harlow is still losing teeth and is on a path of greatness. Carlin will start Kindergarten in the Fall; she had an amazing time in TK!! Her teachers and fellow students love her smile and her love of life! This little one exudes what life is about, no matter the challenge she will persevere!! She too is losing teeth (funny back stories) and has been an awesome big Sister to her brother. Brooks… oh this little guy is all boy!! He reminds me so much of his Daddy and has his Daddy’s head of hair and full of piss and vinegar!! He is ready to take on the world and share that Horning strength! My heart truly aches that you have not been here to meet these littles and watch your grandchildren grow. We continue to talk about you, show them photos of you so they will know you through us. They carry your blood and your zell for life, you will live on through them.
Your Mom and younger brother are leaving California for Montana soon, near your older brother, although I’ll miss them here I’m glad that they will be together. I’m pretty sure you and I would be moving close to them had you been here, however I wish them all well, I feel the need to remain close to my kids now.
OK, so now to me… how am I doing…
I continue to grow and learn about myself; how to handle grief ! That’s a big one; the years past are growing years. I have been fortunate to find a man that knows my path and we are sharing a life after loss. We are sensitive and kind to each other’s loss while building a life together; I call it grief and joy co-existing.
I continue to have good days and bad days, but I am blessed with these days nonetheless. My loss is no less than other losses, but a loss indeed. I know others who have traveled this loss and I know I’m not alone and am comforted that my loss can provide comfort to others.
As much as I want to just relax at home and not leave my babies, I also know that the best thing for them is to see me put one foot in front of the other and keep going (Thank You Michelle Steinke-Baumgard).
My life is truly not the life I had thought but I have my life and it is up to me to make the best of it!!
As with every year, I like to post a song that hits home with me…
I’ll bet your up there, makin’ new friends I’m pretty sure you’re lovin every minute.
If there’s a golden pond full of fish I bet you’ve caught everything in it!
I bet you’re making everybody laugh with your jokes’
I know you’re holding nothing but the best kinda hope
Shining a light up there with a big ol’ smile
Carry on Mr. Horning!! Love and miss you always!!