Since Steve’s passing I have been learning a lot about myself; I’ve learned how confident I am and that I am not afraid to try to do things, I’ve learned to be independent, I’ve learned to make smart decisions and the most important being I’ve learned how much he taught me and that I am capable of so many things.
It’s not the best case scenario by any means, and I can’t sit around and hope that things will get done. I need to take the bull by the horns and figure it out! I was not the kind of wife that took their husband for granted, Steve took care of so many things and I loved that about him. If it needed to be fixed, I knew that he could do it. If it needed mowing, he would do it. If I needed an errand run during the week, he was happy to help. He was just the kind of person that was always doing something! His gift to me was always his time; he would do his chores, fishing, projects, rafting, etc. during the week while I was at work so that in the evenings and on the weekends he was ALL MINE. I appreciated that and acknowledged that frequently. I can’t tell you the number of times I said “thank you for all you did today” before we went to sleep at night.
Which brings me to share my new roll; the handyman!! What this means is that not only do I get to run the inside of the house, but I get to run the outside too… Somewhat strange territory for me, but I’m working it out. I have been able to start and run all of the pieces of power equipment to do the yard work and have only had one mishap where I ruined a lawn pinwheel with the string trimmer, ooops! I’ve learned how to put gas in the 1980 Jeep CJ-5 (this required some help from my brother-in-law), I figured out how to lay a drip system for the garden and I even devised a way to keep the rain from seeping into the spa until I can buy a new cover (not the prettiest, but I got it done!).
Another milestone for me was changing out two leaky sprinklers!!!
and finally, I took apart the house fans, cleaned them and prepared them for storage until next Spring/Summer
Slowly but surely I am learning that my life needs to move forward, without my true love, my best friend, my lover and the man of my dreams.
I will continue to thank him each night for all that he has given me and all that he did to ensure a secure life for me and our children. I will continue to miss him like crazy and will do my best to honor him and his memory each and every day – to make him proud.